Men see everything
Every little detail....
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Men see everything
Posted 7:09 PM
Under The Mistletoe
Posted 7:06 PM
Are you planning a jello wrestling event? If so, you've come to the right place. We specialize in a revolutionary Fun Jell Formula that will make setup easy as 1, 2, 3. Simply empty our Jello Wrestling Jello mix into a pool, add tap water and stir. Within seconds you'll have a pool filled with set jello ready for wrestling.
Not only are you purchasing gelatin that is almost instant, but it is also non-staining, non-toxic and bio degradable. Each 5 lbs. bag makes 25 gallons of Jello!
$49 per bag
Posted 5:24 PM
The Babykeeper is a patent pending infant carrier style seat, that hangs from the stall wall in most public restrooms, and can also be used in many public fitting rooms.
Finally, the answer for when the mom on the go...
HAS GOTTA GO!
The Babykeeper is the only portable, safe and sanitary solution for what to do with your infant or toddler while using public restrooms and fitting rooms.
Posted 7:40 AM
President George Bush makes a riveting impression on some young cheerleaders.
“Give me a Y… Give me an A … Give me a W …. Give me an N”
Posted 7:28 AM
Friday, November 24, 2006
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.
Posted 7:58 PM
A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.
Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"
Posted 7:53 PM
It walks on water. Hallelujah!
Posted 7:38 PM
Do you know where your toys are?
Posted 7:25 PM
Any man who has ever been to Holland on a vacation/business trip, will always remember the ‘fly’ in the urinals. Many toilets in Amsterdam have the outline of a fly etched into the porcelain of the toilet. Well, while most people find it amusing, they seem to over-look to function of the fly.
Well, turns out the fly has become a ‘target’ for us men, and thats a good thing too! Because the fly is positioned strategically to cause the least amount of splatter and back-splashing! And research has shown that spillage has decreased by 80%!
Posted 7:22 PM
Posted 7:09 PM
This constitutes my shopping experience on Black Friday. I had to be at work about 6:20 am……. so I decided I’d swing by Best Buy in South St. Louis County which opened at 5 a.m.. I got up at 3:57 a.m. exactly one hour earlier than normal and left home about 4:30. I arrived in the parking lot of Best Buy right at 5:00 a.m. … opening time. The lot was pretty full and I parked in a fire lane against the side of the building. As I was getting out of my car I noticed a guy pulling out of a ‘real’ parking spot (legal) so I quickly maneuvered my car into that spot. It didn’t occur to me why he was leaving as the store opened. Maybe he was the first one in and got his purchase quickly.
After exiting my car and walking around to the front of the building I notice a couple of police cars in front of the store near the entrance. Then I notice a line of people extending to the far end of the building. The Geek Sqaud members were already letting people into the store, so I didn’t think it would take long to get in. As I headed for the rear of the line, I noticed that it turned the corner at the far side of this rather large building. I walked on down there to the corner… and saw the line extended quite a way back down the side of the building. It was still dark out so I couldn’t really tell how far it went. It wasn’t long before I noticed it had passed the end of the Best Buy building and had conquered another large building that sits behind Best Buy (not sure what store it is).
It was then during this trek of mine that I notice the line curving into the parking lot… and it continued up one of the lanes in the parking lot. I’m sure there were more than a thousand people waiting there to get a deal on some electronic treasure which the ads clearly stated, on the more popular items anyway, that there was a minimum of 4 or 5 items per store.
I know there were many unhappy shoppers… many unfulfilled Christmas present purchases, and many restless geeks hoping to get the latest and greatest electronic gizmos to add to their collections… and all at bargain prices, no less. So the dream of cheap giant plasma TV’s and home theater systems and $200 computer systems will have to wait for another day. I wonder how many just whipped out the debit cards and bought what was left.
After taking these pictures I walked to my car and went in to work an hour early. The store probably would have been empty by the time I got in there anyway. Fortunately I wasn’t in “need” of anything in particular but did spot some bargains that I would have picked up had I gotten in.
Now I remember why, a couple years ago, when I ventured out early on Black Friday morning, that I sad “Never again”. It was a good reminder.
Posted 7:07 PM
Very funny blooper in documentary.
Posted 4:40 AM
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"
Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
Posted 4:35 AM
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving America… The Elvis version Turkey in the straw (cool card) The parrot A young man names John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a really bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with obscenities. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally John became fed up with the the bird's antics and yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw his hands up, grabbed the bird and threw it into the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and screamed and kicked. Then suddenly there was total silence from the freezer. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly walked out on to John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I as what the turkey did?" Things you can get away with saying only on Thanksgiving 1. Talk about a huge breast! 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. It's Cool Whip time! 4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! 5. That's one terrific spread! 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some! 10. Don't play with your meat. 11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in. 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once! 14. You still have a little bit on your chin. 15. How long will it take after you stick it in? 16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that! 18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen! The Turkey’s Lament
Unless you're a turkey and here's what I say:
I am a turkey and I don't think it's nice
For my ball to be buttered and filled up with spice.
You stuff me with cornbread and pat my behind
Then stick me in the oven for a very long time.
You slice up my breasts and put them on a platter.
My feelings and hopes just don't seem to matter.
I'm cooked to submission then you have your way
With my legs and my thighs and things I can't say.
I pray that you put yourself in my place,
And show me some mercy when you say grace.
Before your bountiful Thanksgiving feast,
Pray not over fowl, but some other beast.
I hope you know I think it's all a sham,
Thanksgiving dinner should always be ham.
...."Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
....Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"
....She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
....The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
Happy Thanksgiving America… The Elvis version
Turkey in the straw (cool card)
A young man names John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a really bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with obscenities.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally John became fed up with the the bird's antics and yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw his hands up, grabbed the bird and threw it into the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and screamed and kicked. Then suddenly there was total silence from the freezer. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly walked out on to John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I as what the turkey did?"
Things you can get away with saying only on Thanksgiving
1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
The Turkey’s Lament
Posted 6:53 AM
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts...
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."
Michael Marks, copyright Dec 7, 2000
Posted 6:52 AM
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee:
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents
into the jar, effectively filling the Empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked".
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
Posted 6:50 AM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
From the AP archive:
Nov. 22, 1963
JFK AssassinatedDALLAS, Nov. 22 (AP) - President Kennedy was shot today just as his motorcade left downtown Dallas. Mrs. Kennedy jumped up and grabbed Mr. Kennedy. She cried, ''Oh, No!'' The motorcade sped on.
AP Photographer James W. Altgens said he saw blood on the president's head.
Altgens said he heard two shots but thought someone was shooting fireworks until he saw the blood on the President.
Altgens said he saw no one with a gun.
AP Reporter Jack Bell asked Kenneth O'Donnell, President Assistant, if Kennedy was dead. O'Donnell gave no answer.
Kennedy was reported taken to Parkland Hospital, near the Dallas Trade Mart, where he was to have made a speech.
Bell reported three shots were fired as the motorcade entered the triple underpass which leads to the Stemmons Freeway route to Parkland Hospital.
Pandemonium broke loose around the scene.
The secret service waved the motorcade on at top speed to the hospital.
Even at high speed it took nearly five minutes to get the car to the ambulance entrance of the hospital.
Reporters saw Kennedy lying flat on his face on the seat of his car.
Bell said a man and a woman were scrambling on the upper level of a walkway overlooking the underpass.
Lawrence O'Brien, Presidential Aide, said he had no information.
Nov. 22, 1963
Posted 6:40 PM
Now you see it… Now you don’t
To maintain a nice, clean look and yet cater the needs for nighttime party animals who don’t mind peeing in a very exposed public urinal, many cities in the world are deploying urinals that tug under the street during the day and pops above the ground during the night. Here's a short description:
In an effort to handle its nighttime public urination problem, Victoria, the capital of British Columbia, is considering installing urinals that disappear below street level during the day. Unlike the automated, self-cleaning toilets planned for Toronto and Vancouver, which are enclosed booths with doors that that automatically open after a set time period, the Urilift system is a two-meter high stainless steel cylinder with three alcoves, each with a urinal, and no doors.
By day, the Urilift is lowered below street level for a nice clean look. Then at night, an operator comes by with a remote and the Urilift hydraulically lifts to sidewalk level in about two minutes. Then the unit is ready to serve all the nighttime party animals who don’t mind peeing in a very exposed public urinal.
Posted 5:39 PM
This is a true story, it happened in Utah and was on the news!
A city councilman, Mark Easton, lives in this neighborhood. He had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built. Apparently, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. Mark and his new neighbor had some great arguments about this as you can imagine - not great feelings. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line - no doubt at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the city and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found.
Posted 5:02 PM
F4 Phantom Vs. Wall
Watch as an F-4 Phantom jet just disintegrates in front of your eyes.
Posted 4:35 PM
How cocaine is made
I had NO idea the manufacturing process to make this stuff. Interesting.
Posted 4:32 PM
This is really hard to believe….
I will never complain about a pothole again!
This is the Russian Federal highway, Moscow city to Yakutsk City.
The road doesn't have asphalt surface, though it is a vital Federal highway.
Everytime it rains, the traffic flow gets paralized; these shots were made a few days before the traffic jam of 600 cars got stuck there. Hunger and lack of the fuel followed, according to the witnesses. One woman gave birth to a child right in the public bus she was riding on.
Construction teams were afraid to appear on site because during their previous visit they were beaten by people who were stuck for a few days. People were breaking the locks on the trucks, in search of food and warm clothes.
Fuel, food, firearms and steel tow-line are the things that are needed most these days on this Federal highway.
Posted 3:59 PM
Don’t buy Viagra from Mexican mail-order pharmacies
Many men are buying "black market" Viagra pills from Mexican mail-order drug stores.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced that several of these pharmacies are mixing the Viagra with ground up Mexican Jumping Beans.
The results can be horrible.
Here is what you get when you combine Viagra with Mexican Jumping Beans.
Posted 3:24 PM
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob.
"Did you, ER, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... )
Posted 3:18 PM
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
- Day 683 of my captivity.
¦ My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
¦ They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
¦ Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. The audacity!
¦ There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
¦ Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
¦ I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged!
¦ The bird has to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captives have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe……. for now….
8:00 am: Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am: A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am: A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm: Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm: Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm: Wow! Watched TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Posted 3:19 PM
Two peace activists have planned a massive anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter. But they don't want you marching in the streets. They'd much rather you just stay home. The Global Orgasm for Peace was conceived by Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55, whose immodest goal is for everyone in the world to have an orgasm Dec. 22 while focusing on world peace. "The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it," Reffell said Sunday. "Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change." The couple are no strangers to sex and social activism. Sheehan, no relation to anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, brought together nearly 50 women in 2002 who stripped naked and spelled out the word "Peace."
You Go Girl!
Posted 2:55 PM
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
Posted 2:41 PM
Click the link and there is a short video that describes the Anti-Shirt.
Posted 2:19 PM
Cleaning the Toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely, The Dog....
Thanks Joe P
Posted 5:45 AM
Monday, November 20, 2006
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah could nay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah could nay fin' him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . . . . .
Posted 7:10 PM
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10
Posted 6:38 PM
A hunter in Sarcoxie MO was surprised when he got to his 28–point deer he had just shot and found out it was a female (doe). This is very rare. (Each point represents an antler that branches out one inch or more from the deer's head.)
Posted 6:29 PM
This season, the condom is the thing to wear.
That's the message at the International AIDS Conference in Toronto, where the aim is to destigmatize the humble prophylactic by turning them into brooches and pins as part of a movement called "The Condom Project." The initiative is aimed at fighting the spread of HIV by making people comfortable with condoms.
One woman took it a step further by creating an entire rubber wardrobe. Brazillian designer Adriana Bertini displayed several latex confections at the conference, including a dress made of orange condoms.
"The idea is you will see it and think of AIDS," she said.
Posted 6:20 PM