Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Top 16 Signs James Bond Is Losing His Masculinity

From TopFive.com

          Lee Tamahori, director of the James Bond movie "Die Another Day," was arrested in a prostitution sting.  The twist? He was allegedly *offering* the services. An undercover officer said he was sitting in his
 car when Tamahori -- dressed in an off-the-shoulder dress -- approached and offered to perform a sex act.
        To each his own, I say.
 Still, we here at TopFive are concerned 007 *himself* might be losing his macho side...

      The Top 16 Signs James Bond Is Losing His Masculinity

  • 16> Ordered to "take out" the enemy, they end up at a trendy sushi bar.
  • 15> "Q, would you happen to have a missile-firing bustier?"
  • 14> "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to cry."
  • 13> In the casino, Bond excuses himself from a repartee session with the villain at the roulette table because he has great seats to see Celine Dion.
  • 12> Bond's newest secret weapon?  A raging case of PMS.
  • 11> The villain's "secret lair" is an exact replica of the "Oprah" set.
  • 10> This time, Ernst Blofeld is petting a rooster.
  •  9> Finding himself alone with a bevy of geishas, he spends hours learning how to tie an obi.
  •  8> The opening title sequence features slo-mo nude silhouettes of what appear to be the Village People doing pilates.
  •  7> "Pussy Galore? No, thank you!"
  •  6> Before lighting Ms. Galore's cigarette, Bond has to find his lighter by digging through his man-purse.
  •  5> The new Bond girl: Phyllis Boxers, as portrayed by RuPaul.
  •  4> He keeps insisting to Q that a rosy shade of poisoned lipstick is his best defense.
  •  3> Overwrought following a high-speed chase on the Autobahn, 007finds comfort in season one of "Gilmore Girls" and a pint of Cookies 'n' Cream.
  •  2> Insists on going to the costume ball as Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.

              and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign James
                Bond Is Losing His Masculinity...

  •  1> "Martini. Stirred, not shaken. With two olives, but on the side. No, wait -- just one olive. Can you take the pimento out? Yeah? Ok, give me two olives then. Oh, but they have oil in them. You know what? Just give me a Tab. With lemon. No, lime...."

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